dream journal episode 5

7/18/10

- ever heard the phrase "not even in your dreams"?
it usually follows a folly invitation to an intimate event.
"hey babe, hows about you and me head back to my place for some "coffee"."
-"yeah, not even in your dreams pall."

-Im sitting at the bar of restaurant where I work; Im wearing a black coat and a blue scarf, drinking something green and blue. the bartender(there isnt usually a bartender where I work) motions over to the door as if to say "hey, isnt that your girl friend?"
I look over to the door and see a woman walk in (she is a real girl whom I do know and did have feelings for. for this entry her name will be -Beth)
she hadn't seen me yet, so I paid my tab and started out the back door.
I was walking around the shopping center for a little while before I decide that its alright to go back.
foolish of me, I shouldnt have walked away like that, like a coward.
I walked in the door and looked around to see if she was still there, she was. she was talking to the bartender and as soon as he saw me he let her know.
I walked back out, hoping that she hadn't seen me yet. she did.
she ran out the door after me, looking around. I was about 25ft away by now and she easily spotted me. she came running over to me and grabbed my arm "why did you run like that? that wasnt very nice you know, I wanted to see you, thats why I came here tonight"-she said in a hurried voice.
I could tell she was hurt by my actions, she was starting to tear up.
"look... I dont want there to be any harsh words between us, so I left"- I said to her.
"just tell me whats going on" she pleaded.
we began to walk for a bit, our path illuminated by the street lights, the ground was wet with the past rain. there was no one else in the shopping center(this shopping center is called "town center" and is a giant out door mall and is where I actually work) it was just us, it was late at night and it was peaceful. for a while we didnt say anything.
we came to a par bench and sat down for a bit.
"I dont know how I feel about you" I finally said
"thats ok, I know I hurt you. you dont have to try so hard" she said. try so hard? what does she mean by that?
she rest her head on my shoulder, I hesitated for a bit, but then I warmed up to her.
I started to fall asleep, my eyes closed for an instant. and in the next instant I found myself, with my head lying in her lap, we were in a dark room with the T.V on, there was an old black and white movie playing and beth was eating popcorn. she looked down at me and smiled.
I placed my hand on her inner thigh and held it there for a bit.
she giggled softly and said "why do you always touch me there?"
I replied "I cant help myself".
It was pleasant. it was calm and warm. we held each other for the remainder of the film. and when the movie ended, so to did the dream.
I woke up in my bed, alone. I let out a sigh as I contemplated calling her...
I didnt.

*notes
- I had long hair, like... a grunge band lead singer long.
-she wore a long dark blue coat and knee high black boots.
- the room was to dark to see the rest of the furnishings, but it was her place, I know that much.